Guilt
by AquaTurquoise
Summary: Forgiveness is a tricky thing. Cedric knows that better than most. While he realizes that most of the people he's hurt have forgiven him for his actions, he finds it the most difficult to forgive himself.


Guilt

Summary: Forgiveness is a tricky thing. Cedric knows that better than most. While he realizes that most of the people he's hurt have forgiven him for his actions, he finds it the most difficult to forgive himself.

Disclaimer: I don't own _Sofia the First_.

A/N: This one will be a little different from my other chain of events that took place directly after the "Day of the Sorcerers" episode. I mean, let's face it. Sometimes, even if someone forgives us if we do something wrong, there's still that nagging little voice that stays behind and bothers us until we cave and either come to terms with the issue or cast it aside. So that's what this is. Hope you enjoy. :)

*Story*

Cedric stirred restlessly in his bed, his blankets scattered every which way at this point due to his fitful sleep. He was unable to pull himself away from those pesky internal thoughts that had now manifested themselves as bad dreams… It was really no secret what those dreams consisted of at this point. Guilt. Regret. Concern. Redemption…?

Cedric gasped when he awoke from his sleep before looking around, trying to determine shapes and outlines of the familiar objects in his room. He'd always tried to do that when and if he'd slept too hard: concentrate on something real and mentally describe it. It kept his mind focused and prevented it from wandering to thoughts that would do him little good to ponder over.

He knew Sofia had forgiven him. He knew the royal family had given him a second chance. He knew he was in his own tower and in his own room, in the safety of his own bed…but when he realized that he could just as easily be down in that dungeon again, it was enough to send chills down his spine. While he knew that actions such as his would have such consequences, he'd never realized just how horrid and… _lonely_ …such confinement could be. Imagine if Sofia hadn't forgiven him. It was uncertain how long he could have been down there, but he wouldn't have put it past the king to make sure the punishment fit the crime. And, well, taking over the kingdom and freezing members of the royal family against their will was _kind of_ a bad crime.

As he lay awake, staring into the darkness and listening to the rain falling outside his tower, he sighed. Even after all his attempts to steal Sofia's amulet, his practical double-life around the princess (who only chose to see his potential _good_ side rather than the prevailing corrupt side), his once-constant and often hindering mistakes, and of course his success at briefly conquering Enchancia…he'd been pardoned. Cedric shook his head and fisted his hands into his hair. He wasn't even sure if _he_ could do that if he were in their position. After all, there's only so much betrayal someone could and _should_ be able to take. Truly, Sofia's face alone had told him all he'd needed to know after Wormwood had spilled his secret and he'd had no choice but to confirm it.

She'd been heartbroken. Really, he'd kind of always wondered how she would react when (not if) she learned the truth. He'd honestly imagined her crying at one point, but he should have known better. Sofia rarely showed that sort of emotion, though he was aware she certainly possessed it. He'd seen the look of sorrow on her face when she believed her amulet had stopped working when he'd switched them without her knowing. But over all, she was a very strong girl. She chose to perceive the world in a positive light, and he couldn't help but admire her for that.

Was that why she'd been so blinded by his sometimes obvious actions in the past? She was trying to find the positives about him? Why? Why _him_? What was it about him that she admired and enjoyed so much that she'd repeatedly sought him out for advice, help, and even friendship? He doubted he'd ever understand, though he was grateful for her being in his life. Without Sofia, he would be in far worse trouble now.

So… Here he was. He was free. He was forgiven and offered a second chance. So why was he having such a hard time with it tonight? The princess's recent reassurance that she would always be there for him and that she still saw the same goodness in him that she always had should have given his busy mind some closure.

Apparently it really was harder to forgive himself. After all, what had he been thinking? His father would be so disappointed. _Merlin_ —oh, wow, he hadn't even considered how disappointed Merlin would have been. Imagine: his hero giving him a disapproving look. That would sting. How could he have…?

A loud crash of thunder caught the sorcerer off guard, and he glanced toward the window, noting a few flashes of lightning that briefly illuminated his bedroom. He sighed once more and sank deeper into his covers.

Okay, so maybe guilt worked more than one way. There was the guilt he felt, which he'd probably always feel, no matter how many times people assured him that they'd forgiven him. And of course there was the question of his actual guilt—as in, the quite literal proof that he had, in fact, committed a crime against the royal family of Enchancia. There was no denying it had happened, and there was nothing he could do about it at this point. Even if he could go back in time and do it over again (and he likely _could_ if he had the correct spell handy), he wouldn't do it. For some reason, it made him feel better that Sofia and her family knew the truth. In a weird way, it was a heavy burden lifted off his shoulders. He'd confronted King Roland about his insecurities and the unfair way he and his sister Cordelia had been celebrated while he'd been cast aside. Sure, he hadn't expected to unload all of his uncertainties about their childhood in the king's and his family's presence, but it was done now. And now his apprentice knew of a different and somewhat darker side to his person, and why he'd been so focused on accomplishing the feat in the first place.

"Enough," he whispered to himself, willing away the persistent negative thoughts that had clouded his mind that evening. Right, enough. Enough wallowing in self-pity. Enough doubt about the authenticity of the forgiveness he'd received. Enough guilt…just enough.

As cliché as it sounded, he knew tomorrow would be better—maybe not sunny, but better. He knew the new norm was far better than the old one. He knew Sofia's knowledge of his original intentions and her willingness to pardon him proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that their friendship was far stronger than his dark side's ambitions. And he also knew that, now that he'd chosen this new path, things could only get better from here on out. After all, he had a princess to see to—he'd protect her and encourage her as she went along her own path. If he was correct in his assumptions, while his main challenge had been conquered, hers had only just begun. She needed him as much as he needed her at this point, and he wasn't about to let her down.

So forget guilt. Forget regret. He needed to focus on the here and now, and right here and right now, Cedric was more than aware that it was time to move on. A smile made its way to his lips as he sighed heavily and returned to his deep sleep.

And the thunder rolled gently, caressing the darkened skies above.

The end


End file.
